Toxic Masculinity

Written by: Malavika Ram, Edited by: Giulia Fornasiero

Created by: Chidambara Avudaiappan

“What are you, a girl?”

“Haha, feminism? That’s so gay.”

“Boys will be boys.”

These are phrases I’ve heard almost daily from a large number of students in our school, a majority of them being male. It’s gotten to the point where I’m not even that bothered because it happens so often.

There’s an incredibly huge amount of people out there who think that when a male cries or shows any amount of emotion, he’s immediately weak. People who believe that when a boy acts aggressive, violent, and/or like an overall jerk, for lack of a better word, it can be attributed to the fact that, well, he’s a boy.

It’s the same mindset people have when they go by the ideology that men should do the practical, hard work, while women should stay at home and cook, clean, and raise the children. But in this day and age, when people spew words along those lines, they’re immediately shot down and taught a lesson. So if we’re all so willing to defend a woman’s right to work and be independent rather than only doing household chores and taking care of her family, why can’t we defend a man’s right to do things traditionally labeled as “feminine”?

What exactly traditionally defines femininity? (In my opinion, irrationally defines it)

• Having a fashion sense

• Caring about appearance

• Being sensitive, empathetic, and/or emotional

• Giving people meaningful compliments

• Being short, having long hair, being thin/ladylike in physique, etc.

Feminism

And then there’s the problem with feminism. Most people think it refers to the advocacy of women’s rights only, and yes, while that is a large part of it, the end goal that every true feminist has, is to achieve equality for everyone, and that would mean having to recognize and overcome one of the biggest obstacles there is to that end goal: toxic masculinity.

Toxic masculinity

Toxic masculinity is what happens when boys are taught that being a “real man” means going by the old and traditional definition of masculinity and that conforming to gender norms is the only way to accomplish “proper manliness.” In other words, masculinity to the point that it becomes toxic and destructive towards a man’s sense of identity. And it’s so common nowadays that half of us don’t even realize that we are being exposed to it.

This is a much bigger problem than we realize. These kinds of values linked to “aggression” and “violence” that are being taught leave boys and men at risk of disciplinary and academic issues at school and being overrepresented in prisons. In jails, toxic masculinity is displayed as a character trait itself by both inmates and guards. The most “masculine” and “dominant” men are regarded as the most powerful/intimidating ones, and displaying signs of “weakness” is what gets some inmates targeted. Teaching young boys to be masculine in a toxic way also leaves more men in prison for committing violent crimes in the first place.

Possible solutions

Now, ever heard the saying, “big boys don’t cry?”

Gender norms play a huge role in our definitions of masculinity. These are the stereotypes that say pink is a colour for girls or that all males love sports; the stereotypes that say crying is girly, intellectualism is weak, that all men have to be brawny and insensitive, and that cracking offensive jokes is normal for them. So the first step in battling toxic masculinity would be to defy gender norms.

It’d also improve the situation by a lot if feminism was talked about and normalized. No, it isn’t girly to be a feminist. Wanting both genders on equal ground isn’t females-only territory, and anyone can want it and fight for it. Calling feminism “gay” is toxic itself, and is offensive and derogatory in multiple ways to numerous groups of people, so next time you say it or hear someone else saying it, don’t encourage or indulge.

Then, there’s the “boys will be boys” thought process. Reasoning a male’s unkind, rude, or aggressive behaviour to the fact that he’s exactly that, a male, is very wrong. That’s like saying boys are biologically wired to be violent and rough, when there are countless girls out there who could probably punch you just as hard. It’s time we said no to this horribly outdated and sexist phrase and stopped excusing a boy’s emotionally and physically hurtful behaviour towards others because of their biological gender.

Endnote

Teaching young boys that they can have an identity outside of what society has told them it should be is so important. Toxic masculinity was brought on by men towards men, and in that sense, it’s self-destructive. (that’s not to say women don’t partake in enforcing it, though) It can give younger boys extreme identity and self-esteem issues, and could lead to them bottling up emotions. There are very narrow molds that society has constructed for both men and women to fit in, but no one should have to change themselves to conform to these standards. Wanting to fit in and have a sense of belonging is completely normal and isn’t a bad thing, but conformity to the point that you become hypermasculine/feminine because of the toxic standards that have been set is unhealthy, for reasons that are pretty much self-explanatory. So please, educate yourself and the people around you regarding this because there’s no way we can achieve true equality without getting through every obstacle we have in our way, toxic masculinity included.